Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is a rock star in the MAGA world.

The insane woman from Georgia recently talked about the attempted insurrection on January 6, 2021, when a mob of angry treasonous Trumpsters beat cops and ran wild through the People’s House, enabled by traitor GOP ass-kissers.

“I’ll tell you one thing,” Greene tells The Lint Screen, “if I had been in charge, we would have burned down the House like that Talking Heads song.”

Greene thinks the people who attempted the coup to keep twice-impeached disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trump in office were “too soft, not nearly tough enough” and thus failed.

“If I had been calling the shots, I’d have had the MAGA patriots armed to the teeth,” Greene proclaims. “And any two-bit Capitol cop who got in our way would get shot. We’d go full metal jacket on resistors. We would do whatever it took to keep President Trump in office so he could maintain law and order. And you better believe I would have hung Mike Pence like a stocking by the fireplace.”

Greene, who keeps a shit house rat nearby to gauge her sanity, believes she will soon be “the most important person in American politics.” 

She speaks with confidence. “I am making Kevin McCarthy my bitch. He will do whatever I tell him to do. We’re going to look into Hunter Biden’s involvement in Benghazi and selling children on Etsy. Plus Fauci’s plot to replace humans with raccoons. Raccoons will not replace us!”

The woman gives a smug smile. “I am the queen of Fox, Newsman, Infowars, and all the legit media. They love me. Steve Bannon is also crazy about me. I’m a media star and will crush anyone who gets in my way. Steve says I’d be a good Veep for The Chosen One, Donald Trump. And I can’t argue that. It’s God’s will.”

God help us.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

George Senate candidate Hershel Walker appeared in Dalton recently to make his final case for why he deserves the vote of all Georgians.

“We got a problem, y’all,” he told a roomful of senior citizens bussed in from local nursing homes. “There are all these vampires out there, and let me tell ya, they’re wanting to bite us on our neck! They’re gonna suck our blood, suck us dry. That ain’t gonna feel so good now, is it?”

The anti-vampire crowd booed. Hershel held up his arms to quiet his people.

“Now, I don’t blame y’all,” he said. “No one wants no vampire sinking his teeth in their neck, no sir! And ya know, it don’t have to be that way, not if you send ol’ Hershel here to the–” a nervous Walker looks at his campaign manager, Buddy Wipstetter, who stage whispers, “Senate.”

“…not if you send ol’ Hershel to the send-it?” Walker looks confused and turns to his portly handler. “Buddy, that don’t make no sense. They can’t send me to the ‘send-it’ cuz I done already been sent.”

“Senate, Hershel,” Wipstetter clarified. “You’re running for the Senate, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right.” Hershel laughs. “Forget what I said about the send-it. My campaign guy over there made a mistake. You gonna send me to the Senate.”

The crowd cheers.

“If you give me your support, I can go to–” he looks at Wipsetter. “Where am I going again?”

“Washington,” the campaign manager said.

“Washington,” Hershel says confidently. “Now, a lot of people don’t know this, but Washington’s also the name of an apple. Washington apples and let me tell ya they’re mighty good. Washington is also the name of a president, I think. That’s right, Buddy, isn’t it?”

“Right, Hershel. Absolutely.”

The candidate smiles. “See? Washington was a president, and I reckon he’s the one who grew those tasty apples we’re all eating. And I don’t think he was no vampire. But I’ll tell ya what, folks–– I ain’t so sure about Rev. Warnock. He just might be a neck biter.”

The crowd laughs.

“If y’all vote for me,” Hershel said, closing his persuasive argument, “I’ll turn into a werewolf and take care of all them nasty vampires. Ol’ Hershel’s gonna save your necks.”

The crowd cheers.

“And I’m going to fight the zombies, too,” Hershel says. “Cause they’re also a load of trouble.”

Buddy Wipsetter quickly ushers Hershel offstage as the crowd roars on a rainy night in Georgia.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump was feeling lonely last week, so he decided to invite a few pals over for dinner: white nationalist/antisemite Nick Fuentes, and rapper Ye, a noted Jew-hater.

The three men sat in the dining room of gaudy Mar-a-Lago and shared a meal and insightful conversation. The Lint Screen has obtained a partial transcript of their lively dialogue.

DT: Welcome to my home. Tell me what you think of me, I’m curious.

YE: You are the greatest president ever, no doubt about it, President Trump.

NF: I think you’re the greatest human ever. I’ve always said that.

DT: A lot of people think that, Nick. I think they’re right.

YE: I’ll bet Jews don’t like you much though. You’re too strong.

NF: Good point, Kanye.

YE: It’s “Ye” now. The new name saves time.

NF: Fine. Ye, then.

YE: Like I was saying, Jews probably don’t like you because you represent change, President Trump.

DT: The country’s gone to hell under Biden after he stole my election. When I get re-elected, I’ll change it back and make America great again.

YE: The Jews better get used to change.

NF: That’s right, Kan.

YE: It’s Ye. My name is Ye.

NF: Gotcha, Ye. But it’s like Bob Dylan said, “The times they are a-changing.”

YE: I love Dylan. He’s a great American songwriter.

NF: Dylan’s maybe the greatest songwriter of all time. Although you’ve got to put Paul Simon up there.

YE: They’re two powerhouses, for sure. Dylan and Simon––two great American names. A couple of great American songwriters.

DT: I write many great songs. Incredible songs. Everyone says so. The best songs.

YE: I’ll bet you do, your excellency. But the thing I worry about is Jews trying to replace us. You can’t replace Ye! Can’t be done, Pete Davidson.

NF: If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, “Jews will not replace us.”

DT: Marjorie Taylor Greene told me Jews have lasers in space. Do you believe that? I couldn’t get a wall built because of the evil Democrats, and the Jews put lasers in space.

YE: I saw “Spaceballs” last night on TV. I love that movie, it’s funny as hell.

NF: That’s a Mel Brooks comedy, right?

YE: Yeah. Brooks––another American name. The guy’s hilarious. Jews could never make funny movies.

DT: You guys remember “All in the Family”? The sitcom had a terrific character, Archie Bunker. Very wise. Archie didn’t like Jews or blacks.

YE: I’m black, you know.

NF: You are? I thought it was just a deep tan.

DT: Quiet, you two. I was making a point. Archie Bunker was created by a guy named Normal Lear. Lear––like King Lear. Must have been British. King Lear was British. Very funny people, the Brits. Bennie Hill was genius.Not smarter than me. I’m a stable genius, you know.

(THE INANE CONVERSATION WENT ON FOR SIX MORE HOURS. THE MEN ENJOYED EACH OTHER’S COMPANY.)

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Bull goose looney Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has Trump kiss-ass Rep. Kevin McCarthy by the short hairs. He yearns to become Speaker of The House and needs her support, and she will use her newfound power to get her way.

The crazy lady talked with The Lint Screen about her plans when the GOP takes its slim majority in the House of Representatives on January 20th.

“We are going to get to the bottom of the most important story in the world,” she says. “Hunter Biden.” She shakes her head. “Hunter started the Ukrainian war against Russia, which is costing America a fortune. Hunter is also launching Jewish lasers into space and uses them to melt the polar caps, just so his daddy can blame global warming on fossil fuels. Everyone knows that’s poppycock. Fossil fuels are our friends. The oil and coal companies say so. Hunter Biden is a dangerous threat, and I will get him.”

She’ll also launch intensive investigations into the long-rumored reports of Democrats eating infants.

“It’s outrageous what liberals are doing to our children,” she declares. “They raid maternity wards and steal newborns, repurposing them as appetizers, hearty dinners, and late-night snacks. I’ve seen Democrat Infant Recipe books––it’s disgusting! They groom the children they don’t eat to become their sex slaves.  I don’t think this child abuse is right, and I plan to get to the bottom of it.”

She shakes her head.

“I’m very concerned about penguin mind control,” she says. “They are taking over human brains and forcing people to commit voter fraud. It’s horrible. Joe Biden would have never been elected if he hadn’t been in the pocket of big penguin. We can’t have penguins controlling our elections. If we do, they will force us into an economy based on small fish.”

“I’m also going to get to the bottom of the Justice Department’s mistreatment of the MAGA patriots on January 6th. Some of them were locked inside small rooms with bars on the windows. Is this how we treat heroes who were trying to save America? I don’t think so. And Merrick Garland and his goon squad will pay.”

The lunatic gets a faraway look in her eyes, then claims an angel has visited her.

“His name was Lou,” she claims. “And he had wings and everything, so I knew he was legit. 100% angel. Lou told me Donald Trump is God’s messenger, the chosen one to save us all, and we must do everything in our power to get him back in the White House, or God will smite us but good.”

Marjorie becomes animated. “Anyone who wants to get into Heaven had better do everything they can to get President Trump back in the Oval Office to make America great again. I’m so excited about addressing the important issues that face our country.”

She picks up her AR-15 and leaves.

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous ride across America with a circus in the early ’80s. This book has earned 100% 5-Star reviews on Amazon. Act now and save during pandemic pricing. You’re a click away from a fun, unforgettable ride. Buckle up and go.

The Lint Screen has received an advance copy of Donald J. Trump’s presidential campaign announcement he will be delivering tonight at Mar-a-Lago, “where dignity goes to die.”

Here is his speech in its entirety.

“Good evening, my fellow Americans and MAGA Patriots. I have some exciting news to share with you tonight. Your favorite president is returning.

Joe Biden and the evil Democrats cheated me out of my election in 2020, but they won’t be able to cheat Americans out of my incredible leadership in 2024. I am a fantastic leader. Amazing. The best president ever, much better than Lincoln. Everyone says so.

But I am a humble man. I considered staying on the sidelines and seeing which of my many disciples might rise to the task. But then I got an important call. A call from a very important and powerful person in a place called Heaven. His name? God. The Big G.

He told me I must save my people––save them like Moses saved his people with his ark. God commanded I lead my MAGA Patriots through the desert that is the hellscape the Democrats have made our once glorious country. And I will answer His call. I will run to be your president again.

God is a pretty persuasive fellow, you know. (CHUCKLE HERE–STEPHEN MILLER SAYS THIS IS HUMOROUS.)

But some people say that Ron Sanctimonious is the great Republican hope. They see he is the one God sent to lead. But those people don’t know all the awful things DeSantis has done. Horrible things. The worst things you can possibly imagine. Things that would turn your stomach.

DeSantis is a nasty man. He is not so nice, and I can’t allow him to run.

While Democrats continue cheating honest Republicans out of election victories––it’s a disgrace what they did to true patriots like Kari Lake, Dr. Oz, Doug Mastriano, and many others––I will stop them. When I am back in power, I will rid this nation of anyone who doubts my word.

Remember, my word is God’s word. He says so.

I am running to save America again. I alone am The Chosen One who can fix America. I alone can save you.

So, rejoice, my people. I have risen to Make America Great Again.

You can get my MAGA 2024 hats at The Official Trump Store online. Don’t forget, when the rapture comes, only those wearing my merch will be going up.

Thank you, and may I bless America.

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous ride across America with a circus in the early ’80s. This book has earned 100% 5-Star reviews on Amazon. Act now and save during pandemic pricing. You’re a click away from a fun, unforgettable ride. Buckle up and go.